Making it official

This morning was really insightful and sweet, but so sad too.  We had the meeting with the orphanage director, civil affairs bureau officer, notary, adoption facilitator, etc.  It is kind of the formal meeting where all the official adoption documents are signed and finalized.  It isn't really much ceremony, mostly just paperwork and some exchanging of gifts.  We all went down to a little office room in the hotel and all the officials met there.  It was very convenient.  RJ and I didn't really do anything, except every once in a while, I would have to sign another paper.  RJ was happy playing with a little toy that I had taken for him.  Emma was playing too, although not nearly as quietly, of course.  At one point near the end, after I had inked my thumbprint onto several documents and RJ did his right foot…Emma and Matt went out because Emma wanted to play.  Suddenly RJ began sobbing.  He put his arms around my neck and his head buried in my shoulder and hung on for dear life.  His crying kind of shocked us all because we hadn't heard him hardly whimper, let alone these deep sobbing cries.  Everyone thought that he was crying because Emma had just left the room.  But I think it was because we had just kind of moved around a bit and I think RJ noticed that the director of the orphanage was in the room.  I'm not saying the orphanage director is a bad person.  I'm sure he is not…but, I do think that RJ had seen him there and was afraid that he would be taking him away again.  Just four days earlier RJ had been taken from his foster family's home and returned to the orphanage to await this adoption, per orphanage policy.  I am certain this had been very traumatic for him.  This stress seemed to be just too much for him to bear and he would not look at anyone, he kept his head buried into my neck and cried and cried.  I kept assuring him that he was staying with me, but he would not be consoled.  We did our best to exchange gifts, I even tried to set him down once or hand him to Aunt Karen, so that I could properly accept a beautiful ceramic pot from the orphanage, but RJ clung to my neck tightly and hung on for dear life.  We then had to take some pictures and exchange more gifts and so on before we could go.  At that point I couldn't get out of that room fast enough.  I could see, hear and feel the stress that my son was experiencing and it was so painful.  It wasn't until the five of us were back in the elevator and the door closed that he started to calm down and stop the crying.  What pain my sweet little boy has experienced in his short little life, I can't even begin to imagine.  I just hope and pray that I will help to heal and ease those painful times and provide the security and peace that he so deserves.  He is such a beautiful spirit and so very special, I believe not only to me, but to the angels and a loving Heavenly Father who, for purposes which I do not know, has led all of us down these both painful and blessed paths that now have joined together.